Proper Logic of a Sunshine-y Mind.

Down is left
and up is right
right is diagonal
and left is the opposite of up.

The sky is pink
but only at night
and water is green
on the sandy shores of the nile

Kittens cry
and bounce
and stalk
but doggies know
they're just all talk
Doggies bark
and wag their buts
and birdies swim
and fishy fly.

My logic is right
and wrong isn't wrong
right is wrong
and wrong is up
and here we are with
left is right
and right is down
and down is up
and up is right.


I am right.
don't get it?
then get some imagination.

I'm in a good mood,
and feeling poetic.

The Looking Glass Wars,

and Wonderland,
are my new obsession.
(besides werewolves)

Sorry world,
my exams are over?
ummm, yeah man,
time to go far from reality,
away from society,
a place for my imagination
to run wild and free.

Okay, so,
this week has been pretty un-eventful.
Monday, school,
tuesday, regents,
wednesday, regents,

Today?
Lab make-up
cuddling for hours
with the love of my life,
Then My writing class.

I decided to use my obsession to get out a poem.
and here it is:

Follow this path
The flowers don't lie
Let your mind take you away
Thru my Wonderland rhyme
To find a way,
Well it's really quite curious
Not your way, never no,
always her way
so the trees will say
It doesn't really matter
for it's only a matter of time before...

OFF WITH HER HEAD!

Run alice run,
There's no going back.
The queen has got you,
she's right on your track.
Don't know where you're going?
Well it's all for the best,
for if you knew you're way,
you'd know you're in the Looking Glass.

Now Cry,cry yourself a sea of tears
Then drink this potion,
drink it down, and look around.
Watch out, you'll drown
it seems now
you're the size of a jewel
on the Redd Queen's crown.

Wake up! Wake up!
It was only a dream
The Queen's army is gone
You're safe, or so it may seem.
But look there,
on the wall,
'tis only a mirror?
Not at all,
The Looking Glass Wars
Call to you once more.

Okay,
so summing up my feelings right now?
I feel adorable,
and I'm in a fantastic mood.
And no one can bring me down.

Ciao.

Dissapointment

Ugh,
I am sexually frustrated.
]:

I'll repost later tonight.
Ciao.

Conflict: Me vs Him, or Me vs Myself?

This week just has not been great.
It's friday,
and every friday,
Nicholas comes over.
Hooray?
Not today.

He's sleeping right now,
and we've been bickering all week.
Cause, you know,
I'm pmsing and whatnot.
The usual girls excuse for being a bitch.

but yeah,
anyway, I've been feeling pretty shitty.
Probably just because of midterms.
but I've been snappy,
and he wont wake up.
And everything I'm trying,
he just snaps at me
and goes back to sleep.

This is the last thing I wanted today.
I wanted to watch tv, and just talk with him.
Not end up on the computer writing this.
He's right there,
and I feel lonely beyond belief..


Ciao.

Pretty.

Just a poem I've shaken up.

"Look at me, now,
am I pretty to you?
She may be prettier than me
But I can be pretty too.

It may take some practice
but I'm sure I can learn how
Maybe if I dress up
Hows this?
Or maybe wear some make-up,
Tell me,
Am I pretty now?"

<3

Learn to be Lonely

You know.
I'm getting kind of tired
of sitting at home every night,
all alone.
Well, not really alone.
My parents are right upstairs.
But Mentally,
I feel alone.

I've been very lonely lately.
Like, I see my friends
and my boyfriend everyday.
but even while I'm around them,
the more I see them,
the more lonely I get.
Even when I'm happy,
the second they're gone,
I'm lonely again.
I don't know if it's just my depression,
but i haven't told anyone this until right now.

I'm going upstairs,
and listening to music.


Ciao.

PS- I'm amazed at how many people have
been trusting me with their secrets lately.
It's a cool confidence booster.

I forgot

Oh yeah
I always forget
My birthday is tomorrow.

I hope everything goes okay.

Is it just me?

okay,
I feel like I'm getting forgotten.
am I doing this to myself?
am I going insane?
Or is it just me?

I know my best friend
goes to another school,
and she's really busy lately,
I'm guessing...
but we've barely been talking.
I miss her, i feel like I'm bothering her
everytime we have a conversation.

My two other friends
who go to school with her,
are talking to me as mucha s they can.
One of them got a blogspot
ily Danny<33
I miss them too though,
I want to see them :[[

And yet again my other friend,
is having problems himself,
and he's been talking to everyone less and less
Retreating to his girlfriend for comfort.
I'm starting to think,
if I'm even a good friend at all anymore?
am I doing soemthing wrong here?

Back and forth with the hospital meetings,
my mood swings are killing me.
I'm like a zombie,
I'm trying to be happy,
trying to be confident
But how can I do that
when I don't even know
what's bringing me down?

I just feel like I'm losing touch..
With my friends, family, myself, reality..
I don't like it.
I miss you,
all of you.
I'm sorry if I'm doing anything wrong.

Hospital

well..
I guess I can say I'm lucky.
I went to the hospital on friday,
though it's not like any of you care.
They wanted me to stay as an inpatient.
They feel I'm going to hurt myself.
There are times in my head where I agree with them.
They gave me a COPS formwhich is basically,
I have to be seen by a psychiatristwithin 5 days of being discharged.
I need help.

I was stuck at that place
for 5 fucking hours,
until midnight.
My poor parents did all of this for me.
I feel so horrible.
Nicholas too,
he cameand sat holding my hand the entire time
telling me everything was going to be alright.
I love him so much.

I don't know what to do.
Maybe I should of stayed.
Maybe it would have been better for me.

I really want to..

Ciao

The End is Near

what the fuck.
Okay, so huge rant coming on,
and it's all about you motherfuckers.
I'm not even going to space.

Come on guys, what happened between august and december? I mean, we all used to be so close? Whats pushing us all away? And why are half of you acting like I'm some lowly pile of shit? I can say right now, my confidence level may be shit, but i am most certainly NOT shit. I happen to be a great friend, at least I think so, and I'm sorry the month my dad almost fucking RUINED MY FAMILY, I got a little reserved. but what did you guys do? Oh i know, NOTHING. So sorry if some of my texts were short, I had alot on my mind, and I kind of still do. There's a lot of shit going on in my life right now, and you want to know the people that actually have BOTHERED to help me since school started? Only like 4 fucking people. and you know what? FUCK YOU. these are for different people:

- I'm not judgmental, you never bothered to heal our friendship, all the while I worked my ass off with my dad in rehab, my grades slipping, and my therapist telling me I'm crazy. You know what you did? Fucking shit, thats what you did, you stod by and talked about me behind my back to my BEST FRIEND. You're a little bitch, and I regret ever trying to stay friends with you. I hope you get fucking bitched slapped.

- I know we haven't been talking as much, but i only stopped talking to you, BECAUSE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE I'M AN IDIOT. So what if I'm not in AP classes like you, or I don't have a shitload of cash like you, and my parents don't give me what I want. I wanted to stay friends with you, because I missed you. But everytime we DID talk, it'd be you talking down to me, like I was inferior to you. I got sick of it. I'll talk to you whe you start treating me fairly.

- Your fucking girlfriend is fucking with you, and literally fucking you. I'm so sick of it, i really am. we were SO close until you met her, and she seemed like a real sweetheart at first, but then you slowely started to change, and now you just treat me like shit. you're treating EVERYONE like shit. Just because you have sex all the time, doesn't give you the right to be an asshole. This girl is fucking with you. I miss you, I want my fucking best friend back.

- I love you to death, and I've been worrying about you so much lately, but you tell my boyfriend more than you tell me, and you say I'm your best friend and that you hate him. I'm sorry, but I see no logic in that. I may not give the ebst advice o you, but that's because We're always in the SAME situation. I can only listen, and try my best. also, you've GOT to stop talking down to me, it's starting to make me want to hit you.

Whats wrong guys? I know we all change, but seriously? You're all being so horrible to me, and other people, you need to see past it. We all used to get along, hang out and laugh, now I just want to hit all of you. I may not be all there sometimes, but I'm always open to listening to every one of you. Sure I may be getting different friends, and my personality is changing, but so is yours, we're human, we do that. Shit happens man. Life happens more, okay? I'm sorry, but everyone is being really weird lately, not just the people above.

Whats wrong with everyone?
Highschool can't be fucking us up this much.

Ciao.

Blood&Chocolate

I've just read
for the 6th time,
Blood and Chocolate.
It's my favorite book,
as of right now, lol.

I think I'll read
The Good Fearie's of New York next

I want to be a werewolf


anyway, moving on,
I've got nothing to really post about tonight.


BLAH MY BIRTHDAY IS NEXT THURSDAY

Caio.

The missed memory

I love happy Punk music.
yay for Catch 22!

anyway,
haven't post ina few days.

I'd like to talk about the one thing
that's been bothering me.

i had it all planned out
i was going far away...
to stay with you.
I was going to stay with you
and never come home.
then I met him..
and I wasn't expecting to..
but I fell in love.
harder than I fell for you.
I love him
I can't leave him even if I wanted to
but there's a part of me
that still wants to leave
and never come back.
be happy with our friendship
and i'd always have a friend.

Nicholas,
I love you,
I want to spend my life with you
I've never been more sure
but please forgive me
for not being able to forget
the love I couldn't have.
I'll lock it tight away one day
I promise.
and i'll never remember again.

Tis the New Year

holy crap it's 2009.

okay new things for 2009

- super duper sleepoer:
- big brown snake(2008)
- apples to apples(2008)
- trippy computer hallucinagens(2008)
- 1234567890- thats what she saids
- Big BLUE snake
- caramel sauce, Jackie's crack
- jackie's a cactus
- hampsters in the microwave
- Mommy's sleeping on edward D:
- Politics that always seem to connect with robbie being gay
- Glen is Queen and SHE IS NOT AMUSED
- Switz and zwitzerland are very different
- Mission impossibe to rescue edward
- Lizzy is naked!?
- tit grabbing!
- "why is the wii fit bored talking to me?"
- we're all really old according to the talking wii fit machine
- mariokart at 4:30 in the morning
- 5 dolla NO PANTS


hooray 2009!!

let's hope this year
turns out to be a little bit better
than last year...