Stage Fright.

Out she will walk.
Naked before the audience.
On this stage, her hopes, her dreams
are a blinding guidance.

Here she stands.
Naked in her own figure
Her body is a canvas
by her own hands.

Here she is,
Naked in the Crying Light.
Only one chance to show you,
she wont go down without a fight.

Here she goes.
Naked in the face of her demons.
Her lips are chapped and bleeding.
Her voice is raw when she speaks,
from the cigarettes and singing.

Here she will kneel.
Nakedness covered by her skin
Her fate sealed with this deal
Pale white with milky sin.

This is how I feel when I'm up there.

Ohai Thar

Lookatthis!

I'm posting!
AGAIN!?
ONOZ
*world explodes*

well well well.
What to write today....
It's so soon...
hm..

My photograpahy is doing okay-ish, I guess.
I have a lot of darkroom prints I have to scan,
...if only I had a working scanner ;_;

Well, I continue to have no close friends
but many acquaintances,
but those acquaintances are SO TOTALLY AWESOME.

I've got this awesome super crazy Halloween party this friday,
then I'm going to the city for the Hallows eve parade.

HOOHA.

alright, right back after the weekend.

Caio.

Hi there.

Been a while, huh?

Sorry. been busy
Y'know,
Working
Losing best friends
failing at life.
and all the while
having a great sense of humor about the whole thing!

Wow,
isn't that dandy!

They say high school is the best years of your life.

They should sexually molest and murder the person that said those words.
No, really.
No joke.
Where are my sex toys?

Anyway,
I'm trying to get by everyday,
feeling good,
but I'm failing at that miserably.
I'm making new friends
which is good.
and reviving some old friendships
which is better.


I love it when people tell me I'm a terrible friend
then come to me a year or so later
and say how sorry they were
and that They didn't know why they would
"say something so immature and stupid."


lolol.
Life isn't good.
But it's damn funny.

Write back soon.
Ciao.

Oh My God

It's been too long,
has it not?

The rundown?

I've started my senior year
I've lost my two best friends
but who the fuck cares anymore
cause I'm just such a horrible person.
And everything that happens with my friends
is always my fault.

Ha. whatever.

Anyways,
I've been working a lot
trying to save up for a new camera
because I'm not a spoiled bitch
and I don't get whatever I want
when I want it.

*cough*

So yeah
I'm about $300 short,
and I just babysat last night
and got $100 out of it.
hell yeah moneys.
I love that little girl,
she's such a sweety.
Changing her diapers wasn't fun though.

I'll be back tomorrow,
Promise.

Ciao

Many, many years ago.

Many, many years ago
When I was twenty-three
I got married to a widow
Pretty as could be.

This widow had a grow-up daughter
With flowing hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
Now my daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandma, too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw,
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!

How wonderful.
This made me laugh
thought it mike cheer you up a bit too.

Oh Silent Forces of my bedroom walls
Speak to me!
And help me make this difficult decision.
I'm thinking of selling
my collection of Porcelain Dolls
to make room on my shelves
for my books
and picture frames
with memories.

I don't know what to do
I love these dolls
They've made my childhood
so happy and serene
I had no friends
so I had to confide
in collectible dolls
for comfort.

Ah well.
It's getting pretty late for me
and I am very tired.
I shall blog again another day,
When surely I'll be wired.


Ciao.

Holy Testicles Batman!

sorry for the lack of blogging.

Been pretty busy lately!
...
no, I'm lying.
I just forgot,
sorry.

Well now that it's super late
(or super early)
I give you
dah Dah DAh DAH
A new blog!
Full of all sorts of delicious goodies
and sexual innuendos of all types and flavors.

well,
If you ate this blog
it wouldn't taste very good,
and then you'd have to buy a new computer type thing.

Anyway,
I have been slightly busy
with having a life!
But not having a job.
*boo*

Life is a bitch
or a roller coaster
There's not much of a difference to me.
If I could write music
I'd totally write a song
about Bitches and Hoes
and how they relate to life.
Life is a bunch of Bitches and Hoes.


This blog was stupid.
I guess I'm a tad tired.

Ciao.

Gilded Doorknobs

Why not make acquaintances,
rather than make enemies?

ah.
It's been a while.
Sorry about that.
Oh life
what a thing!
oh a thingy thing thing.
Life's been,
okay, I guess.

I passed my chem regents!
*cheers*
and my history regents!
*cheers*
But I failed my math B regents
*boos*
I have to take a class
or maybe several classes,
and retake the regents in august.
Hopefully I don't fail again.
I'm really bummed,
but not as much as I think I should be.
Is that bad?
Oh well.

I wish I had wings.
y'know, like, to fly.
That'd be a billion times better than driving.
oh, did I forget?
I'm driving now.
*cheers*
I get my official license next month.

I've been pretty down lately.
*boos*
Things are shaky in my department.
My "jam" sessions are over,
Therapy sucks,
ALAteen sucks,
I'm quitting choir.
I'm pretty much losing everything I'm used to.
it's disturbing.

I might get rid of my account on PSC.
I don't know.
It just makes me depressed.
It does nothing to help me with any of my problems
and no one knows me anyway.

whatever,
it's summer
*cheers*I'm going to try and keep this updated as much as possible.
Be back tomorrow!

Ciao

The worst is over

Oh goodness.
It's family bonding time!

Another nice day for the family.
My one year with Nicholas
has come and gone
his birthday is tomorrow
and I haven't found him a present!
:O
O the drama.

I think I might get him this awesome
TMNT Sports jacket.
that'd make him happy.
Now I just need to find $50.

This post will be relatively short,
I'm on my father's laptop.
Nothing really new,
so this'll be a bit drab too.

School is slowly coming to an end,
Regents growing closer
OMY.
I don't want to fail
I've been studying like a madman.
well,
if madmen studied.
Ha.


Time to go watch my documentary.

Ciao.

I don't know how...

Hello.
I'm back.
I had a bad week.
which I don't feel like getting into
for I'll have a tussle with my brain again.
And we don't need Lizzy getting into that.

I had a major breakdown today
Sobbing, Choking, screaming, the works.
I almost killed myself.

I know, it's terrible.
Nicholas Is making me sit down
with my parents tomorrow
and tell them that I need help.

I'm feeling better,
I wrote a poem for the boy that saved me.

I don't know how to think.
I don't know how to speak.
I don't know how to breathe
or even how to blink.

I don't know how to laugh or cry
or lie in the grass and stare at the sky.
But there is one thing I know how to do
It's that I know how to love you.

I love you Nicholas,
my savior.

Ciao.

Missed Medcations and Pessmisms.

I'm losing my mind.
I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm breaking down.

It's gonna take some time to realize..

Report cards came,
I'm miserable
I'm still sick
and now i'm grounded.

I guess it's my fault
since,
y'know
I'm a terrible teen
*angst angst angst*

ugh,
I've been in such a rut lately.
like completely suicidal.
Terrible I know.
I can't get thee bloody thoughts out of my head
I can't help but think


ah well.
I'm not ready to make this post angsty
in the serious way
so yeah.

My kitty is adorable
He's a bitch,
but still adorable.
wanna see him?
Check out my deviantart
http://www.lizinwonderland.deviantart.com/

word, son.
I take damn good pictures
probably one of the only things
in my life that I take pride in.

when my actual computer gets fixed
I'll be posting a shitload more picures
beause deviantart is fucked up
on this laptop.
It's pretty weird.


anyway I'm gonna go play with my kitty
and get my mind off bad thoughts.

Caio

*sneeze cough weeze*

Gosh I hate bein sick.
And laptops.
I hate being sick and on a laptop.
SO MANY TYPOS D:
So yeah,
My computer is broken,
I'm sick,
and my parents gave me a piece of shit laptop
that has no security
no firewalls
no nothing.
And apparently the keybored sucks too.
I have to keep backtracking to fix my typos
Typos?
WTF
I must really be sick.
I have to write an essay that was due today
problem is I need to hand in a peer review sheet too
which I never did
because I never wrote a rough draft of my essay.
oooohhh shiiiit.

Report cards are coming soon..
asdfghjkl D:
I don't want them to.
I want something to happen to the mail,
like
a terrorist attack on the post office,
so they can't send them out.

I hate being home alone.
all I do is eat
and sit around.
I feel like a really fat person.
It's terrible.

I'm going to go stuff my face now.

Ciao.

I counted all our demons

Saw there was one for everyday.
Put the good ones upon my shoulder
Tossed the other ones away.

I feel like writing a Poem.
..
Everybody stop.
Just stop.
Stop the music.
Stop the lies.
Stop the demons.
Stop time.

I'm breakin down.

The wheels in my head turnin
My heart is being beatin
Having trouble breathin
Hands stressed and bleedin
This feeling's got me close to breakin
I just need to...

Stop.

Before you get ahead,
I will stay behind.
You're goin way to fast for me,
M'bout to lose my mind.

Stop.

I need to time to heal
a nap would be ideal
I need my stress to wilt and peel
I want something a little less real.

So Stop the music.
Stop the lies.
Stop the demons.
Stop time.
So I can have a little space...

and breathe.

ciao.

When The Shit hits the fan...

You'll all be wondering where I am.
I'll be in Australia!
Or on some other fantastic continent
that isn't our own US of A.

Easter has passed,
and school starts tomorrow,
ending a week long vacation
so I figure,
Why not blog once more,
before report cards come
and my life ceases to be?

I can't wait until school is over
and I'm graduated.
I can move into my own apartment,
and be my own boss.

Today has been as productive as...
well,
I can't think of a proper comparison at the moment
so lets just go with
it hasn't been productive at all.

I feel like saying tongue twisters
But I shant get into that as of now
for blogging about tongue twisters
must sound pretty Drab.

Though everything I write about is drab.

I'm going to my good friend Danny's @ 3
giving only a few more minutes to blog.
I hope everyone has a delightful week
I'm going to go entertain myself.

ciao.

*fizzfizzz* Ahhh

I HAS FRESCA.

Anyway,
my week has been interesting enough
It's easter sunday!
I helped my father cook all morning
and my Aunt, uncle, and cousins arrived at 3.
My boyfriend should be arriving soon enough.
I hope.
._.
anyway(again)
Oh I feel pretty
I dyed my hair
got a pretty summer dress
and now I am wearing it
and I was just dancing around in it
as I icing-ed(?) my cake.

I can't wait to stuff my face,
I hope everyone else
had a wonderful weekend
and an even better easter and week.

Ciao

Mirror mirror on the Wall...

Who is the sliest one of all?

okayyyyy,
I hate allergies.
It's Tuesday
Day 2 of vacationnnn
I'm with mah jackiee
she's nakey and getting dressed right now xD
ah,
I was just looking
at an old friend's pictures.
a friendship that meant so much to me
thrown out a window
because of stupid accusations.
my stomach began boiling over
and feelings of hate
began eating ulcers into my stomach.

anyway,
I'm not in a great mood,
but I AM with jackie
so maybe going to the mall for an hour or so
might not be too bad.

writing back later,
Ciao.

Whilst the Sea is Boiling Hot

well well well, the week is almost up
and vacation is drawing near
Kaloo Kalayy
We'll live the day
Like Cabbages and Kings.
Gotta love poetry.
*rolls around on floor making lame sex noises*
POETRY.

Okay, anyway
this week has been long,
and painful
Kind of like losing your virginity.

I hate fighting with Nicholas
even arguing
He's pretty much my everything
and when we do bicker
I feel like I'm going to lose him.

JACKIE WAXON STOP BEING SICK.
and i hope I don't Catch it from you
or nicholas for that matter.

I'm bored and tired.

To Danny and Glen
Have a wonderful Vacation!
I'll miss you both dearly :[

Caio

Carry On..

OKAY
I GET IT
YOU'RE PISSED OFF
THAT YOU GOTTA GO
STOP FUCKING SLAMMING SHIT
GOOD GOD.

okay,
so my father is pissed off
because he had to go an ruin his life
by having children
and then giving them godparents
and now We're going into westbury to see them
and now he's bitching
"i don't get it
Why do we have to go
all the way to westbury
for fucking Pizza?!"

oh, gee, I dunno dad
maybe because I haven't seen my god family
since...y'know
LAST YEAR?

I get it
you're miserable
so you drink
and you ruin our family
and when we ask you of something
you flip a shit
because seeing them
is "a waste of gas"

fuck you.
I'm so sorry you knocked mom up
and had kate and me.
either way you'd be an asshole alchoholic
treating my mom like a piece of shit
whenever you're drunk

you're shit.

ciao.

Awkward Situations, Steroids and Horomones, OH MY!

Hullo.
It's been a while, ne?
well then,
lets get cracking
Imm sum it up geeewd.
(^bad grammar sentences are sometimes nessessary.^)
Anyway,
I've been very busy,
I'm sorry I'd forgotten you blogspot!
and all my anonymous make believe followers.
I got another camera
Film this time
It's been fun
I've posted photos on deviantart
Go lookie.
NAO.

Kidding,
How is everyone?
Good?
Yes?
Good.

ICON is almost here
for those that do not know what ICON is
It's a sci-fi comic book/ anime/ geek convention.
and I am cosplaying as...
HARUKOOOO
aaiiieeee FLCL.
Want a picture?
Well you can't see one,
cause I'm fat and lazy.
google the name above
(only one O)
heh.

Yesterday was 10 months
with Mr. Wonderful
I love you mopre and more everyday baby<3

My anxiety is still hanging around
been throwing up a little bit
stress is overwhelmingggg
and I still don't know how to deal with my shit.
No, not literal shit
The figurative kind!
though both kinds of shit still stink >[
(lol.)

okay, going for now

Ciao.

All These Things We Do?

Hello all
Sorry if it seems like I've fallen off
the side of the earth recently.

I just want to say a few things
before I leave this short post.

Danny,
sweetheart, talk to me,
I love you and you know that.
I have Anxiety Disorder,
And don't try to shy away
I see your posts on PSC.
So don't get all
"No don't worry I'm fine!"
because it's bullshit.

Jackie,
you're the closest persn to me.
you're the only one left.
Please stop it.
You can't leave me too.

my life isn't treating me well, lately.
I've been depressed
and anxious,
and terribly anti-social.
I open my mouth
and silent butterflies are released.
I'm glad I'm saving the butterflies.

okay,
Going now.

Ciao.

Being grounded in this February air

My arms get cold in February air
please don't lose hope of me out there.

asdfghjkl
kayy,
so i'm grounded.
fun fun,
all because i failed gym.
so here i am,
away from you,
my wonderful blogspot<3

anyway,
my february has been going well enough,
vacation has just started,
yay no school!
okay moving on,
i had a better day
off my meds
than on then.
this was yesterday compared to today,
OH!
but,
I'm a D now,
yay new bras :D
my bestie and I are having a bra party
since we have matching bras now.

hooray<3
I'll post again asap

Ciao

Open up your mind, and see like me.

yes,
thats right.
uh huh.

Okay,
sorry I haven't really been..
here, lol.
I'll catch y'all up on whats happening to me.

I'm medicated,
ojoy.
It's going decently,
but, uh,
I'm really depressed today,
and I don't know why,
just, everything is getting me down.

I'm on Lexapro, now.
i don't know if it's helping,
shutup.
I went to therapy yesterday,
I like her,
she was nice,
and asked me about myself,
what i like, my aspirations, etc.

okay so..
almost Ciao,

I'm the girl who digs herself a nice little hole to sit in.
I'm the girl who is prettier on the inside
I'm the girl who can't live without being forced to live.
I'm the girl who's in love and feels really stupid because of it.
I'm the girl who says she's fine and never means it.
I'm the girl who can run on Empty.
I'm the girl who sings her sadness away.
I'm the girl that still sleeps with a toy at the age of 17.
I'm the girl who is famous in her own mind.
I'm the girl who strives for the dreams she will never get.
I'm the girl that will always keep on going,
even when it all comes crashing down.
I'm the girl that cares more than she should.
I'm the girl with the odd obsession with reeses.
I'm the girl who wants it all,
and nothing at the same time.
I'm the girl still searching for her song.

I'm just a girl.


Ciao.

It's the end of the world as we know it.

And I feel fine.

so.
my mum told me over dinner,
My thyroid is normal,
so my depression
is just depression.
yeah, okay,
liz is depressed again
I have the psychiatrist on friday,
so I might be getting medication,
woo.
I'm tired,
depressed,
and I just want to talk to Nicholas,
Cuddly with Johnny,
and go to sleep.


Ciao.

Glen, friendship, and conversationalism.

my week has had
it's ups and downs.
well, really, only two downs

Yesterday School went well.
It was Jackie and Steven's One month
Yay for them!
anyway, I can't really remember much else
during my duration of being in school,
other than the fact I'm watching
The Great Gatsby in English.
After school I hung out with Glen.
We went from his house,
all the way to movieland in coram,
a town away from us,
back past his house,
all the way to my town,
to get soda.
then we walked back to his house,
stopped in,
and went back out,
and walked to an elementary school
by his house,
where we sat and just talked,
about pretty much everything.
We talked so much that night.
I got so much closer to him,
and we realized we had
a lot more in common
than we realized
love that kid :]

Today was alright,
My english teacher is stupid,
reasons unspoken,
and I lost my glasses..
:[[[[[
anyway,
i was really upset,
so I took a nap,
my phone really is pissing me off,
I'm replacing it tomorrow.
Time to go I guess,
don't want this becoming too long.

o yeah,
and I love you Nicholas<3

Ciao.

Proper Logic of a Sunshine-y Mind.

Down is left
and up is right
right is diagonal
and left is the opposite of up.

The sky is pink
but only at night
and water is green
on the sandy shores of the nile

Kittens cry
and bounce
and stalk
but doggies know
they're just all talk
Doggies bark
and wag their buts
and birdies swim
and fishy fly.

My logic is right
and wrong isn't wrong
right is wrong
and wrong is up
and here we are with
left is right
and right is down
and down is up
and up is right.


I am right.
don't get it?
then get some imagination.

I'm in a good mood,
and feeling poetic.

The Looking Glass Wars,

and Wonderland,
are my new obsession.
(besides werewolves)

Sorry world,
my exams are over?
ummm, yeah man,
time to go far from reality,
away from society,
a place for my imagination
to run wild and free.

Okay, so,
this week has been pretty un-eventful.
Monday, school,
tuesday, regents,
wednesday, regents,

Today?
Lab make-up
cuddling for hours
with the love of my life,
Then My writing class.

I decided to use my obsession to get out a poem.
and here it is:

Follow this path
The flowers don't lie
Let your mind take you away
Thru my Wonderland rhyme
To find a way,
Well it's really quite curious
Not your way, never no,
always her way
so the trees will say
It doesn't really matter
for it's only a matter of time before...

OFF WITH HER HEAD!

Run alice run,
There's no going back.
The queen has got you,
she's right on your track.
Don't know where you're going?
Well it's all for the best,
for if you knew you're way,
you'd know you're in the Looking Glass.

Now Cry,cry yourself a sea of tears
Then drink this potion,
drink it down, and look around.
Watch out, you'll drown
it seems now
you're the size of a jewel
on the Redd Queen's crown.

Wake up! Wake up!
It was only a dream
The Queen's army is gone
You're safe, or so it may seem.
But look there,
on the wall,
'tis only a mirror?
Not at all,
The Looking Glass Wars
Call to you once more.

Okay,
so summing up my feelings right now?
I feel adorable,
and I'm in a fantastic mood.
And no one can bring me down.

Ciao.

Dissapointment

Ugh,
I am sexually frustrated.
]:

I'll repost later tonight.
Ciao.

Conflict: Me vs Him, or Me vs Myself?

This week just has not been great.
It's friday,
and every friday,
Nicholas comes over.
Hooray?
Not today.

He's sleeping right now,
and we've been bickering all week.
Cause, you know,
I'm pmsing and whatnot.
The usual girls excuse for being a bitch.

but yeah,
anyway, I've been feeling pretty shitty.
Probably just because of midterms.
but I've been snappy,
and he wont wake up.
And everything I'm trying,
he just snaps at me
and goes back to sleep.

This is the last thing I wanted today.
I wanted to watch tv, and just talk with him.
Not end up on the computer writing this.
He's right there,
and I feel lonely beyond belief..


Ciao.

Pretty.

Just a poem I've shaken up.

"Look at me, now,
am I pretty to you?
She may be prettier than me
But I can be pretty too.

It may take some practice
but I'm sure I can learn how
Maybe if I dress up
Hows this?
Or maybe wear some make-up,
Tell me,
Am I pretty now?"

<3

Learn to be Lonely

You know.
I'm getting kind of tired
of sitting at home every night,
all alone.
Well, not really alone.
My parents are right upstairs.
But Mentally,
I feel alone.

I've been very lonely lately.
Like, I see my friends
and my boyfriend everyday.
but even while I'm around them,
the more I see them,
the more lonely I get.
Even when I'm happy,
the second they're gone,
I'm lonely again.
I don't know if it's just my depression,
but i haven't told anyone this until right now.

I'm going upstairs,
and listening to music.


Ciao.

PS- I'm amazed at how many people have
been trusting me with their secrets lately.
It's a cool confidence booster.

I forgot

Oh yeah
I always forget
My birthday is tomorrow.

I hope everything goes okay.

Is it just me?

okay,
I feel like I'm getting forgotten.
am I doing this to myself?
am I going insane?
Or is it just me?

I know my best friend
goes to another school,
and she's really busy lately,
I'm guessing...
but we've barely been talking.
I miss her, i feel like I'm bothering her
everytime we have a conversation.

My two other friends
who go to school with her,
are talking to me as mucha s they can.
One of them got a blogspot
ily Danny<33
I miss them too though,
I want to see them :[[

And yet again my other friend,
is having problems himself,
and he's been talking to everyone less and less
Retreating to his girlfriend for comfort.
I'm starting to think,
if I'm even a good friend at all anymore?
am I doing soemthing wrong here?

Back and forth with the hospital meetings,
my mood swings are killing me.
I'm like a zombie,
I'm trying to be happy,
trying to be confident
But how can I do that
when I don't even know
what's bringing me down?

I just feel like I'm losing touch..
With my friends, family, myself, reality..
I don't like it.
I miss you,
all of you.
I'm sorry if I'm doing anything wrong.

Hospital

well..
I guess I can say I'm lucky.
I went to the hospital on friday,
though it's not like any of you care.
They wanted me to stay as an inpatient.
They feel I'm going to hurt myself.
There are times in my head where I agree with them.
They gave me a COPS formwhich is basically,
I have to be seen by a psychiatristwithin 5 days of being discharged.
I need help.

I was stuck at that place
for 5 fucking hours,
until midnight.
My poor parents did all of this for me.
I feel so horrible.
Nicholas too,
he cameand sat holding my hand the entire time
telling me everything was going to be alright.
I love him so much.

I don't know what to do.
Maybe I should of stayed.
Maybe it would have been better for me.

I really want to..

Ciao

The End is Near

what the fuck.
Okay, so huge rant coming on,
and it's all about you motherfuckers.
I'm not even going to space.

Come on guys, what happened between august and december? I mean, we all used to be so close? Whats pushing us all away? And why are half of you acting like I'm some lowly pile of shit? I can say right now, my confidence level may be shit, but i am most certainly NOT shit. I happen to be a great friend, at least I think so, and I'm sorry the month my dad almost fucking RUINED MY FAMILY, I got a little reserved. but what did you guys do? Oh i know, NOTHING. So sorry if some of my texts were short, I had alot on my mind, and I kind of still do. There's a lot of shit going on in my life right now, and you want to know the people that actually have BOTHERED to help me since school started? Only like 4 fucking people. and you know what? FUCK YOU. these are for different people:

- I'm not judgmental, you never bothered to heal our friendship, all the while I worked my ass off with my dad in rehab, my grades slipping, and my therapist telling me I'm crazy. You know what you did? Fucking shit, thats what you did, you stod by and talked about me behind my back to my BEST FRIEND. You're a little bitch, and I regret ever trying to stay friends with you. I hope you get fucking bitched slapped.

- I know we haven't been talking as much, but i only stopped talking to you, BECAUSE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE I'M AN IDIOT. So what if I'm not in AP classes like you, or I don't have a shitload of cash like you, and my parents don't give me what I want. I wanted to stay friends with you, because I missed you. But everytime we DID talk, it'd be you talking down to me, like I was inferior to you. I got sick of it. I'll talk to you whe you start treating me fairly.

- Your fucking girlfriend is fucking with you, and literally fucking you. I'm so sick of it, i really am. we were SO close until you met her, and she seemed like a real sweetheart at first, but then you slowely started to change, and now you just treat me like shit. you're treating EVERYONE like shit. Just because you have sex all the time, doesn't give you the right to be an asshole. This girl is fucking with you. I miss you, I want my fucking best friend back.

- I love you to death, and I've been worrying about you so much lately, but you tell my boyfriend more than you tell me, and you say I'm your best friend and that you hate him. I'm sorry, but I see no logic in that. I may not give the ebst advice o you, but that's because We're always in the SAME situation. I can only listen, and try my best. also, you've GOT to stop talking down to me, it's starting to make me want to hit you.

Whats wrong guys? I know we all change, but seriously? You're all being so horrible to me, and other people, you need to see past it. We all used to get along, hang out and laugh, now I just want to hit all of you. I may not be all there sometimes, but I'm always open to listening to every one of you. Sure I may be getting different friends, and my personality is changing, but so is yours, we're human, we do that. Shit happens man. Life happens more, okay? I'm sorry, but everyone is being really weird lately, not just the people above.

Whats wrong with everyone?
Highschool can't be fucking us up this much.

Ciao.

Blood&Chocolate

I've just read
for the 6th time,
Blood and Chocolate.
It's my favorite book,
as of right now, lol.

I think I'll read
The Good Fearie's of New York next

I want to be a werewolf


anyway, moving on,
I've got nothing to really post about tonight.


BLAH MY BIRTHDAY IS NEXT THURSDAY

Caio.

The missed memory

I love happy Punk music.
yay for Catch 22!

anyway,
haven't post ina few days.

I'd like to talk about the one thing
that's been bothering me.

i had it all planned out
i was going far away...
to stay with you.
I was going to stay with you
and never come home.
then I met him..
and I wasn't expecting to..
but I fell in love.
harder than I fell for you.
I love him
I can't leave him even if I wanted to
but there's a part of me
that still wants to leave
and never come back.
be happy with our friendship
and i'd always have a friend.

Nicholas,
I love you,
I want to spend my life with you
I've never been more sure
but please forgive me
for not being able to forget
the love I couldn't have.
I'll lock it tight away one day
I promise.
and i'll never remember again.

Tis the New Year

holy crap it's 2009.

okay new things for 2009

- super duper sleepoer:
- big brown snake(2008)
- apples to apples(2008)
- trippy computer hallucinagens(2008)
- 1234567890- thats what she saids
- Big BLUE snake
- caramel sauce, Jackie's crack
- jackie's a cactus
- hampsters in the microwave
- Mommy's sleeping on edward D:
- Politics that always seem to connect with robbie being gay
- Glen is Queen and SHE IS NOT AMUSED
- Switz and zwitzerland are very different
- Mission impossibe to rescue edward
- Lizzy is naked!?
- tit grabbing!
- "why is the wii fit bored talking to me?"
- we're all really old according to the talking wii fit machine
- mariokart at 4:30 in the morning
- 5 dolla NO PANTS


hooray 2009!!

let's hope this year
turns out to be a little bit better
than last year...